I’ve suddenly stumbled into a rut; how strange

I could technically blame the hormones but I know it’s more than that. Yep, there’s more to this sudden feeling of discomfort I have in my belly that is bringing up all kinds of old ‘truths’ like a sense of feeling lost, questioning my abilities, wondering if I’m a total fraud, comparing myself to others and feeling, well, insecure.

It’s hard to sit comfortably with these emotions, often we tend to run away, dwell or ignore the negatives that creep into our lives as it’s really hard to just be with them. Generally, I’m a pretty positive person, I have faith in my abilities and continually strive to be better, do more, live my dreams…succeed. But sometimes it’s exhausting. It’s not realistic feeling like that all the time, and in the process of self-improvement, things are going to pop up that you don’t necessarily like. And that’s OK, too.

YOUAREWHEREYOUNEEDTOBE

I returned from Hayman Island last night, a place that seems to hold significant meaning to my wellness journey. In fact, it all started there with a private yin yoga class at Coconut Grove about 4 years ago. I’ll fill you in on all the details in another post, but this time around it was remarkable to see how far I’d come since that very first entrance into well-being. It was, however, eye opening for me as well. With the guidance of their resident guru, Ryko, I had a shiatsu massage that bubbled many old hurts to the surface. Hurts that I had ignored for many years. And now, I think I’m in the ‘process and release’ mode.

And it’s grimy. It feels like there’s an itch inside me that I can’t seem to scratch. Every cell in my body naturally wants to fight these raw emotions, spook them off or simply turn away from them. But the fact is, I know I have to face them, be comfortable with them and finally, after all these years, just let them go.

So I will. Like I have done with so many other things that have bubbled up in the past 7 months since I fell pregnant. I’ve used this time to come face to face with fears, insecurities, body aches, pains and changes, control, and now, I feel like this might be a big kahuna in preparation for my next set of obstacles and challenges in motherhood.

So Happies, as you welcome the weekend and take some time out to reflect, I urge you to sit with the good, the bad and the grimy, and be OK with wherever you are. It’s all a part of the process, right? It certainly seems that way.

Stay Happy (wherever that may be),

Yaz xx

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4 comments

  1. Vanessa · May 17, 2013

    What a beautiful post. Please accept my heartfelt gratitude for such a real and poignant reminder that the happiness begins and ends with being able to accept and appreciate our unique selves – warts and all!! Happy Friday to you and thanks for your contributions to my world. You are a gem.

  2. May · May 19, 2013

    Such a beautiful, thoughtful and open post. I’ve literally read this moments after watching a TED talk called “Why 30 isn’t the new 20” – basically about not letting life slip by in your 20’s. I think it’s a sign! I think I’ve been feeling very rut-ish too, for lack of a better word. Time for some serious soul searching, I think!

  3. Yaz Trollope · May 20, 2013

    Thanks so much! I’ve received so many emails about this blog with people saying they feel the same way so it’s nice to know that being honest and accepting where you’re at touches people in some way. The funny thing is, after I wrote this and got it off my chest, I felt really bloody good. I just needed to express it, I think. Anyway, thanks again for your beautiful comments. Yxx

  4. Anonymous · May 20, 2013

    Yaz, thank you for such honesty. We cannot be ‘upbeat’ all the time! Emotions surface which need to be faced and face them we must … or else we perish. I am so pleased you felt good after writing, but I hope that you are able to explore these emotions in a personal journal also. For people who like to write, I think a personal journal is a MUST in order to deal with emotions. As someone who has been writing in a spiritual (personal) journal for the last 35 years, I am always amazed at the insights and healing that comes as I write. I wish you well in sorting these things out. Tess xx

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