What do you do when the one you love, loves a d*ckhead?

Perhaps it’s the high achiever in me, but I am the girl who wants all my friends to think my boyfriend is a winner. It means a lot to me to think that the man I love is loved by the other people I love and it’s one big, fat love fest that brings nothing but happiness and positivity. Luckily, in my world, that is the case, but what happens when one of your friends, family members or relatives loves a dickhead? It’s hard to sit back and watch, isn’t it?

In the new year office catch up this morning, this topic came up. We were talking about amazing, beautiful, wonderful girls who had, unfortunately, settled for Mr. Wrong and decided to marry the one man everyone hated. Of the two girls I was talking to in the office, both had examples of their closest friends finding love in the arms of someone everyone despised. Yep, that guy, the one who cracks the lame jokes, is rude, cold, inappropriate and generally not fitting into the mix of friends.

As a friend of someone who is going through a similar situation, it’s hard to sit back and watch someone you love so dearly fall for someone every one else thinks is a douche. Does she see something that we don’t? Are we just being way too harsh and judgmental and projecting our needs and wants in a man onto her? It’s a tough one to answer, and one I don’t have the answer to right now.

Of course, happiness has to come into play. If he makes her happy, then obviously that’s all that matters. Our personal take on the guy isn’t relevant when he makes her feel like the most amazing woman in the world. Right? Maybe. But what do we do when he’s rude to her friends, patronizes her, and in one case, takes her money? Surely that’s when an intervention needs to take place.

That said, love is such a subjective thing that you just have to trust that your friends, family members or whoever it may be, know themselves enough to make the right decisions. Even if it does involve living with lead balloon jokes and an empty wallet. You would hope so, but as the tales are shared, this isn’t always the case. So, I guess it comes down to this – love yourself first and the rest will follow. I’m sure of it.

Tell me Happies…

Do you have a friend with someone you don’t like?
How do you deal with it?
Have you yourself been with someone everyone else saw differently?

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3 comments

  1. Hannah · January 4, 2011

    I’m the girl that dates the loser, but everyone around me nods and agrees when I gush about how wonderful he is – until we break up, and everyone tells me that they always thought he wasn’t good enough for me. I wish that they could have told me (in a loving, supportive and tactful way) that maybe I was settling for less than I deserve. Although I can see how hard that would be to do… but when it’s your friend’s potential future at stake I think it’s worth at least trying to broach the subject, even just the once over a casual coffee. At least you would have tried, and your friend would know that you have only their best interests at heart.

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  3. lifelikelola · January 4, 2011

    This is super hard and the only thing I can think, when I hear a girlfriend start making excuses over a guy who is definitely not good enough is, no one knows what goes on in other people’s relationships. It is so easy to see him that way but much harder for her. Hopefully your friend will read this Yas and realise!!

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